Every Kid Needs a Superhero: Who is your Superhero?

Growing up I was always drawn to shows and books that centered on superheroes who hid behind masks and secret identities, in order to protect their loved ones. These superheroes either had a superpowers or a multitude of gadgets and gizmos that allowed them to overcome the evil super villains that they faced. While each of these superheroes had a different style and approach the end result was always the same they would defeat the villainous plot of their arch nemesis, usually one of many, and the day would be saved.

As a child you never knew what the outcome would be despite knowing that every other encounter showed that good always overcame evil. However anytime I was watching a new show or reading a new book, I was on the edge of my seat hoping that once again my favorite superheroes would overcome the new challenge that they were facing. And when they did I was relieved and even more enamored by these masked heroes, and more than anything I wanted to become like them. I decided at a young age that I wanted to become "Batman" I knew that this was possible because unlike most superheroes he did not have any superpowers, just a huge artillery of gadgets and gizmos. So this seemed like an achievable goal.

Well the closest I ever came to achieve my goal came on Halloween day, when I was donning my Batman cowl and cape. We were at Taco Bell my mom and my aunt Peggy and with my sisters and cousins. When my younger cousin Scotty darted out of Taco Bell headed for a busy road, so with my cape flowing effortlessly behind me I darted after and pulled him to safety. So although my time as Batman was short lived, I enjoyed being able to help someone, and while I am sure the outcome would have been the same if I had not been wearing my cape that day, but donning the identity of my hero empowered me and made me feel indestructible.

So is it the masks and secret identities that allow these superheroes to be who they are? Is a mask and or secret identity required to become a superhero? Well while to this day I still love watching and reading about "Batman" and all the other superheroes, I have learned that the real superheroes in our life's are not the ones hiding behind a mask and or a secret identity. But they are hiding all around us right under our noses, who are these superheroes you ask? 

Well they are the people who make life possible and worth living, they are the people who love us despite our shortcomings, they are the people that pull us up when we fall. They are our parents, our siblings, our children, our extended families, our friends, our teachers, our neighbors, or coworkers, our church leaders, our and of course our Savior and our Heavenly Father.

We so often over look the roles these people play in our lives and in doing so we over look the true heroes in our lives. While the superheroes in books and movies can give us hope and give us aspirations to do better in our life, they are not the ones we should be looking up to, or trying to become like. 

As I have gained wisdom in my days I no longer wish to become "Batman" (though I still want his car) I now hope to become more like the real life heroes in my life. I have also learned that being a hero does not require superpowers and or gadgets and gizmos. The only thing required to be a hero is having the strength to be yourself and to do what you believe to be right.

My son Xavier is one of my heroes despite the limitations he faced, he kept pushing forward and even when he was in pain he would light up the room with his sweet and pure spirit. I have been blessed with great siblings both older and younger (and their spouses) whom have been outstanding examples for me. And my parents, grandparents, and aunts and uncles who have also inspired and protected me in so many ways that without them and their examples I can't imagine where I would be in this life.

So we need to become more grounded and take our heads out of clouds and look for our real life heroes, and recognize the influence they have upon us. And follow their lead so that we too can find the greatness within ourselves to become the heroes of those around us. And as we rise up from the inspiration of others, we can then be there to pull others up when they are in need.

Like. I said I have many heroes in my life but I would like to dedicate this post to my Dad, Michael Jackson Wolfe. Whose inspiration and guidance has always led the way for me, even if I did not always follow his lead I knew he was always there for me. His unwavering love and kindness has always allowed me to know he would be there when I needed him. He has protected me in so many ways as I was growing up and continues to do so to this day. Not only has he been there for me, but he has been there for my son and my wife. He has sacrificed so much for me and all of my siblings and our families, and he does so willingly and without regard to acknowledgement. I just hope I can continue to take his lead as I try to better myself. 

Well it's now September but this post was intended to be posted back in June for Father's Day, but at the time I was in California celebrating my dad's retirement with my family, and then with our move shortly after I never did get it finished up and posted, but when your dad is as great as mine everyday should be Father's Day, so I am posting it now. Below I am posting the pages to a book I wrote and designed for my Dad for Father's Day so take a look below to learn some of the great things about my dad!

Overcoming the Natural Man to Seek First the Kingdom of God

This is a talk that I was asked to prepare and present in my ward a few weeks ago, and I have been meaning to post it on here to share with you. I was asked to speak on "Seeking first the Kingdom of God" which is kind of a broad topic, and as I put it together it ended up being more focused on overcoming the Natural man, but here it is.

In Luke Chapter 12 Jesus taught his disciples through a parable in which he says: 

"The ground of a certain rich man brought forth plentifully: And he thought within himself, saying, What shall I do, because I have no room where to bestow my fruits? And he said, This will I do: I will pull down my barns, and build greater; and there will I bestow all my fruits and my goods. And I will say to my soul, Soul, thou hast much goods laid up for many years; take thine ease, eat, drink, and be merry. But God said unto him, Thou fool, this night thy soul shall be required of thee: then whose shall those things be, which thou hast provided? So is he that layeth up treasure for himself, and is not rich toward God."

While all of us may not be farmers, we can all still relate to this man who wanted to hold tightly onto the fruit of his labors. It is natural for man and woman to feel entitled to what we have produced or earned through hard work and diligence. It is also natural for us to feel proud of what we have done or accomplished in life. Our wants and desires also come very naturally to us, after all were only human right? So when we get our pay checks it is only fair that we use that hard earned money to fulfill our desires and wants, and of course when we have done really well we should be able to reward ourselves by getting a bigger house, a faster car, or a new boat. Because how else will everyone else know of our great achievements, if they can't see us moving up in the world?

While this feeling of self entitlement comes to us naturally, we must learn to overcome it because as it says in Mosiah 3:19

"The natural man is an enemy to God, and has been from the fall of Adam, and will be, forever and ever, unless he yields to the enticings of the Holy Spirit, and putteth off the natural man and becometh a saint through the atonement of Christ the Lord, and becometh as a child, submissive, meek, humble, patient, full of love, willing to submit to all things which the Lord seeth fit to inflict upon him, even as a child doth submit to his father."

In follow up to the parable, Jesus said unto his disciples, "Therefore I say unto you, Take no thought for your life, what ye shall eat; neither for the body, what ye shall put on. The life is more than meat, and the body is more than raiment. Consider the ravens: for they neither sow nor reap; which neither have storehouse nor barn; and God feedeth them: how much more are ye better than the fowls?

And which of you with taking thought can add to his stature one cubit? If ye then be not able to do that thing which is least, why take ye thought for the rest? Consider the lilies how they grow: they toil not, they spin not; and yet I say unto you, that Solomon in all his glory was not arrayed like one of these. If then God so clothe the grass, which is to day in the field, and to morrow is cast into the oven; how much more will he clothe you, O ye of little faith?

 And seek not ye what ye shall eat, or what ye shall drink, neither be ye of doubtful mind. For all these things do the nations of the world seek after: and your Father knoweth that ye have need of these things. But rather seek ye the kingdom of God; and all these things shall be added unto you. Fear not, little flock; for it is your Father’s good pleasure to give you the kingdom. Sell that ye have, and give alms; provide yourselves bags which wax not old, a treasure in the heavens that faileth not, where no thief approacheth, neither moth corrupteth. For where your treasure is, there will your heart be also.

As we try to further relate this parable to our own lives and situations, ask and ponder to yourselves what are the things, that you treasure most in this life, and where do the desires of your heart lie? Do they bring you closer to your savior Jesus Christ and your Heavenly Father? Can you take them with you after this life? How do the help or hinder your eternal progression? Are our desires and wants in accordance with our Heavenly Fathers?"

I know for me personally as I pondered these questions about my own personal desires and wants, that not all of them are helping to me to progress forward beyond this life into eternity. Despite having desires to follow Christ and return to live with our Heavenly Father, worldly desires often cloud our judgement. And when this occurs the natural man overcomes us as we seek out our selfish desires. 

As we read earlier in Mosiah, "The natural man is an enemy to God" so if our selfish desires comes from the natural man within us, they to are an enemy unto God. Elder Neal A. Maxwell had this to say about selfishness:

"Selfishness is much more than an ordinary problem because it activates all the cardinal sins! It is the detonator in the breaking of the Ten Commandments.

By focusing on oneself, it is naturally easier to bear false witness if it serves one’s purpose. It is easier to ignore one’s parents instead of honoring them. It is easier to steal, because what one wants prevails. It is easier to covet, since the selfish conclude that nothing should be denied them.

It is easier to commit sexual sins, because to please oneself is the name of that deadly game in which others are often cruelly used. The Sabbath day is easily neglected, since one day soon becomes just like another. If selfish, it is easier to lie, because the truth is conveniently subordinated.

The selfish individual thus seeks to please not God, but himself. He will even break a covenant in order to fix an appetite.

Selfishness has little time to regard the sufferings of others seriously, hence the love of many waxes cold."

So how can we overcome these desires and align them with our a Heavenly Fathers? Well 

Elder Maxwell addressed this as well, he said:

"Unchecked selfishness thus stubbornly blocks the way for developing all of the divine qualities: love, mercy, patience, long-suffering, kindness, graciousness, goodness, and gentleness. Any tender sprouts from these virtues are sheared off by sharp selfishness. Contrariwise, brothers and sisters, I cannot think of a single gospel covenant the keeping of which does not shear off selfishness from us!"

He also went on to say:

"One of the last, subtle strongholds of selfishness is the natural feeling that we “own” ourselves. Of course we are free to choose and are personally accountable. Yes, we have individuality. But those who have chosen to “come unto Christ” soon realize that they do not “own” themselves. Instead, they belong to Him. We are to become consecrated along with our gifts, our appointed days, and our very selves. Hence, there is a stark difference between stubbornly “owning” oneself and submissively belonging to God. Clinging to the old self is not a mark of independence, but of indulgence!

The Prophet Joseph promised that when selfishness is annihilated, we “may comprehend all things, present, past, and future."

In Elders a quorum a couple of weeks ago our lesson was centered on an article form President David O. McKay, entitled: A Personal Interview with the Savior in which he is speaking to the brethren of the church and he says: "Let me assure you, Brethren, that some day you will have a personal priesthood interview with the Savior himself."

In which he says, "I will tell you the order in which he will ask you to account for your earthly responsibilities.

And as we discussed in Elders quorum, not a single one of these questions, pertains to worldly accumulation or authority, but each of these questions leaves us accountable for the things that we did in this life that will help us progress forward in eternity with our Heavenly Father. 

So as I prepared this talk I thought that these questions could helpful in aligning our desires with our Heavenly Fathers' as we try to better seek the kingdom of God.

Here were the six questions:

"First, he will request an accountability report about your relationship with your wife. Have you actively been engaged in making her happy and ensuring that her needs have been met as an individual?"

Second, he will want an accountability report about each of your children individually. He will not attempt to have this for simply a family stewardship but will request information about your relationship to each and every child."

With both of these questions we can see the value God places on family. So by putting the needs of our family over our own needs we can learn fight off the selfishness of our own desires.

"Third, he will want to know what you personally have done with the talents you were given in the preexistence."

While the natural man may want us to believe that we have no talent at all, or that what talents we do have that we have built them up ourselves while giving no credit to God. But it is important that we learn what talents we have been given and develop them as we seek out the kingdom of God.

"Fourth, he will want a summary of your activity in your Church assignments. He will not be necessarily interested in what assignments you have had, for in his eyes the home teacher and a mission president are probably equals, but he will request a summary of how you have been of service to your fellow man in your Church assignments."

I think this one is important as it reminds that even righteous desires can be corrupted by selfishness. It is important that as we continually work to build up the kingdom of God that our reason for doing so is pure, and that we are not seeking recognition or glory for doing so.

"Fifth, he will have no interest in how you earned your living but if you were honest in all your dealings.

Sixth, he will ask for an accountability on what you have done to contribute in a positive manner to your community, state, country, and the world."

As Mentioned earlier if you can't bring it with you after this life, it's not going to help you in seeking out the Kingdom of God, so don't sacrifice your eternal progression, to try and raise up your earthly stature. But instead contribute to the well being of all those around you, and like Elder Maxwell said "we belong to him" and as we submit our will to his, it is then that we can overcome the natural man and seek the kingdom of God.

I say these things in the name of Jesus Christ, Amen

The Best Chapter of my Life!

In the journey that is my life I have had many adventures full of ups and downs and though throughout most of them there are things that I wish I would have done differently or skipped all together. Usually when these moments occur or you discuss them later, one of my least favorite phrases tends to surface. While it comes in a variety of forms but basically it is "that everything happens for a reason" while I hate hearing this I usually do eventually agree that everything does happen for a reason. It would just be nice if we could know upfront the reasoning behind it. But knowing (or at least hoping) that everything happens for a reason, I would not want to change anything in my life prior to September 11th, 2007.

So now your asking why September 11th of 2007? Well it was on this day that I achieved the greatest honor a man can achieve in this life and that is becoming a father. My wife Devoney and I had were married in 2004 and prior to this pregnancy we'd had two miscarriages. So while we were excited about our coming child we were also concerned something might go wrong but we still kept our hopes that all would be well. And things started out pretty good with all of the doctor check ups going according to plan. 

But then at the 6 month checkup the doctors gave us some bad news, there were a few concerns but the the primary concern was that they suspected that he had hydrocephalus.

Hydrocephalus: a condition in which fluid accumulates in the brain, typically in young children, enlarging the head and sometimes causing brain damage.

Which was devastating news, but we knew that despite the extra challenges our son would face in life that we would love him just the same and do whatever we could to take care him. So in the next few months with Devoney on bed rest we began to prepare the way for our son.

Knowing that he would require much more attention and care, we decided to sale our brand new house which we had just gotten into about a year earlier. We made this decision for two reasons one we knew that our medical expenses were going to be much higher than we expected and that, this would allow Devoney the freedom to stay home full time if we found someplace cheaper to live. And at first that cheaper place  ended up being my dad and mom's house, which besides the free rent turned out to be a blessing for other reasons later on. We also met with a specialist who confirmed the diagnosis and recommended we schedule the delivery to be done at the University of Utah Hospital, so we would be near Primary Children's Hospital incase he needed it.

Shortly before the date arrived I ended up losing my job, which was stressful at the time, but again it later became clear that it was for the best. And luckily we had successfully sold our house with some left over to help cover our initial medical expenses. And the time flew by at least for maybe not so much for Devoney who was still on bed rest. But the day had come!

So we made our way down to Salt Lake City, and on the morning of September 11th of 2007 before going into delivery the doctors decided to do cat-scan which unfortunately bore bad news. The images showed that he did not have hydrocephalus, but that it was actually hydranencephaly and it was quite severe. His brain consisted of only the stem and strands that

Hydranencephaly, is a disorder where the cerebral hemispheres are completely or near absent at birth, including the cerebral cortex and basal ganglia and are replaced by cerebrospinal fluid.

extended from it. Because of which they told us he had zero chance of survival and that they would not perform the planned c-section and that they did not plan to monitor his birth. While we were devastated and had no idea what we could do, but we needed to do all we could. Starting with not giving up on him like the doctors had done. We insisted they monitor the birth and give him the best chance to make it. And though they still disagreed they did as requested, and at 7:47 PM our sweet little boy arrived. 

Prior to getting the heartbreaking news about how bad his condition was, we had not yet been able to agree on a a name for our little man. We both liked a few different names but after learning of his condition and and the difficulties and disabilities he would face, I decided that it would be fitting to name him after a superhero who also faced the challenges of a disability, who through his strong will to live and do good, still reached out and positively influenced the lives of others. I had also wanted to name him after my own real life hero, a man who I knew would always be there for my son in his times of need, someone whose strength and kindness had positively influenced my life and the life of so many others. So I suggested my name choice to Devoney (though I did not mention the superhero connection as Neo and Kalel both got shot down for their superhero connections) and we both agreed it was the perfect name for our little man. So we named him Xavier Michael Wolfe, Xavier after Professor Charles Xavier of the X-Men and Michael after my dad.

Despite his beating the odds placed on him, the doctors were still pretty grim. They told us we would not survive longer than a few minutes, and then only a couple hours, followed by that he would not make it through the night, and then only a day or two, which grew into weeks and then months. But we quickly learned that Xavier's sweet spirit did not play by the same rules the doctors followed. And that we would do whatever we could to make him comfortable and happy.

Although Xavier is really our third child as we know that we will be reunited with our two children that miscarried previously. I did not truly feel that I was a father until late in the night of Xavier's birth when he was in the nursery and I was standing beside his crib and he grabbed ahold of my finger with his little hand. And it was at that moment when I knew what it meant to be a dad, and I promised my little guy I would do my best to take care of him.

With the staff at the hospital still determined he would not survive they sent us home the next morning only after first having us make arrangements with a mortuary in both Idaho and Utah as they were sure we would need them before getting home. But we made it home and though we did have a few close calls in those first few couple of months for the most part he did quite well. Xavier needed a lot of care but we were more than willing to give it to him, and luckily living with his grandma and grandpa who would also do anything for him made our lives much easier. As we pretty much needed someone to be up with him at all times. So we took shifts, I usually got the nightshifts when grandma did not steal him away. And it was truly a blessing to be able to have the time to spend with him.

Our family doctors did a great job of helping us take care of him, but it eventually got to the point that he needed more than they could provide. Typically with hydranencephaly, they will put a shunt in right away to alleviate pressure buildup. But we were told when he was born that because of the severity of his condition that they would not do it, and that no other doctors would. But our family doctors suggested going up to Primary Children's Hospital (in Salt Lake City, Utah) and insisting on it. But when we got there they were fantastic, we did not need to insist they were determined to do the best thing for our little guy as well, much better experience than we had with their neighboring hospital. And though they could not put the shunt in right away, because he had an infection that had to clear up first, they took excellent care of him and were much better at working with his doctors at home. 

And when the time did come to get his shunt placed again they took such good care of our little man. It was such a relief to see the change in him as built up pressure was released, he was always a happy little monkey but the pain he was in had to be unimaginable. So it was such a relief for me to see him so happy. Primary's Children Hospital quickly became Xavier's home away from home which was not always a good thing but they also took good care of all of us.

After Xavier's shunt placement he did have other minor surgeries there as well but that was the most life changing for him and us. After his shunt was placed and the doctors were more hopeful of his survival we began to try and get back to a more structured life. (Though Xavier never really cared for a sleep schedule) but I went back to work as a nursing assistant in Blackfoot, ID and we were still dwelling in my parents basement. And Xavier doing great he was getting bigger and stronger. And we decided it was time to for me to try and go back to school I had wanted to become a nurse since high school, but life never went quite as planned. But I felt not only could I provide better for my family by going back to school but it would allow to take better care of my son in any future problems he may have.

So after looking into different nursing programs I decided on the one at the College of Southern Idaho (Big mistake but more on that on another day.) in Twin Falls, ID. I had previously lived in Twin Falls and worked as a Support Technician for Dell Computers, so I talked with them and they said they would take me back and also said they would try to work around my class schedule. My initial plan was to first do the LPN (practical nursing) program but then after looking into it I decided to just go right into the RN (registered nursing) program. But because of the wait list for that I did not end up starting classes until about a year after we moved. 

During that time Xavier did quite well, he had good days and bad days like all little ones do, but again we were confident that he would be with us for a long time. He had overcome so many obstacles and hurdles, and had such a strong will to live that we thought he could overcome anything. He had been working with multiple therapists who had helped him achieve many things we all take for granted. Though he was even learning a little bit of sign language which helped him express himself. He was legally blind but with some help from the doctors and some very cute little glasses we believe he was able to see a little more.

In May I decided to quit my job at Dell, I had already decided to quit at the end of the summer as they were not going to be able to work around my schedule as well as hoped and I was planning to find something else. But in April Xavier had some issues and spent a lot of time at his second home and then in May he had started getting sick and I felt it more important to be with him and fortunately because of his disabilities he would still have good health coverage. When he was sick we took him in to his local doctor who said it was just a cold and he would get over it which he seemed to do pretty quickly. After he was doing better we decided to go ahead with a planned trip to Canada (Devoney is from Cardston, Alberta) to see family. 

We had a great time traveling and visiting and Xavier got to meet some of his aunts, uncles, and cousins for the first time. Unfortunately we had to cut the trip short as my Grandma Evelyn Wolfe passed away while we were gone. So we headed back early to make it back for her funeral and though it was a sad  time it was also good to know she had been reunited with my grandpa again. 

Shortly after our return from Canada, Xavier had started to get sick again and though his doctor passed it off as a cold again, when we started having a hard time getting him to eat and take his meds we decided to take his grandma' sad vice and get him back up to Primary's. In which the trip itself was quite the adventure, for the 3 hour drive from my parent's house it took well over 6 hours and three vans. (One got wrecked everyone survived except the deer, one broke down and never ran again, and finally the oldest one huffed and puffed its way there. Though something or someone did not seem to want us to get there we finally made it and just in time. 

Shortly after arriving to the emergency room my little man's lungs and my heart collapsed, in a moment like that you feel so hopeless and can't help but wonder what you could have done differently to prevent this. As I stood there and watched them intubate my son and connect him up to machines to breath for him, I just wished I could do something even if it meant trading places with him. 

And though it was heartbreaking to see him in so much pain, I was so thankful to my mom who insisted we went to the hospital when we did. And that they doctors and nurses at Primary's were so caring and knowledgeable. I don't recall exact lengths of time but Xavier was in the hospital for quite awhile after her lungs collapsed, in order to get over the virus that caused his problems and to heal up from the damage it did. He had a difficult time coming off of the ventilator, so it took multiple attempts before he was strong enough to breath on his own. The virus was basically a cold virus, but because his body did not have a strong immune system it had devastating effects on him. But after about a month or so he was finally able to go home, so though we were appreciative of Primary Children's Hospital and The Ronald McDonald House which had become our home away from home many times during Xavier's many trips to Utah, we were excited and relieved to finally be taking our little man home again.

And though he was still having some difficulties we made it home and just started getting back into the groove of things, when Xavier's symptoms started to reoccur. Undecided if we should take him back to Primary's or the local ER we decided to seek immediate attention at the local ER first where they ended up life fighting him back to Primary's after his lungs collapsed again. His mom flew with him to Salt Lake and I headed up in car, but once again car troubles plagued my travels the head gasket blew on my Pontiac Sunfire, luckily I was close to home still and got a ride back to our apartment and started the travels again in our Pontiac Minivan which luckily made it back to Primary's. (The head gasket blew on it about a month later.) But anyhow I made it, and up with Devoney and Xavier back on the ventilator again, this time it was from another mild virus that he likely picked up from his first visit. 

At first we were hopeful that he would overcome this virus just like he had with the other, but the damage was greater this time and he had a harder time getting over both the virus and the damage that had been done. But we knew he had overcome many obstacles in his short life and that we needed to do whatever we could to help him overcome this new obstacle. But the doctors were not as hopeful, although they were much more caring and willing to do what we wanted they were not to sure about the outcome. We tried to make the best decisions we could with our limited knowledge and understandings of everything, but after about another month in the hospital. We were required to make the most difficult decision of our lives.

The doctors were confident that Xavier would not be able to come off the ventilator and breath on his own. They said that there was a slim possibility of him being able to survive if they performed a series of procedures and surgeries, but even with that they were not optimistic. And in his current condition and his suppressed immune system they were not sure he would survive the procedures. Their recommendation was to take him off the ventilation and keep him comfortable and let him go.

Not knowing what to do or what would be the best for him, it was difficult to decide what to do, but we finally decided that we did not want to put home through more pain and suffering, that would likely not help him in the end. And we decided to let go and let him return to our Heavenly Father.

But to this day I have struggle with whether we made the right decision or not, or if we made it for the right reasons. Shortly after making the decision they disconnected him from everything and let us hold our sweet innocent little boy for one last time. As I held him in my arms as he fought for his last breath, I was devastated as I sat there helpless once again unable to help my son, knowing he would miss out on so much in this life, I just wished he could have had more and that I could have done more for him. But he was gone.

And while I would have done anything to keep him from having to suffer so much in his short little life, and to have allowed him to live longer and experience what this life has to offer. And while his death was the greatest pain I have suffered, I would not have changed or traded anything in my life for the time that I was granted to have him here in my life. Having him in my life has made it all worth living so despite any trials or hardships I have faced in my life, they all led up to Xavier becoming a part of mine. So while I may ponder at times how my life could be greater if this or that happened or this and that didn't happen. I am so grateful for the events in my life that led to his existence in my life. And I still hate hearing that everything happens for a reason, and I'll always wish I could have done more for Xavier. His short 22 months with us changed me forever, he made me a father and though imperfect I will always be his dad and he'll always be my little man.

Happy 7th Birthday to my sweet little angel! I love you Xavier!